Wah!!!
Alarmed! One of my classmates just confessed that she guessed who my crush is! Rarr..
It's one of my friends' fault! If she hasn't just played with that stupid camera last christmas party, she won't have guessed. I swear... the next time I'll have a crush or a secret, I would carefully choose the friends whom I'll trust. From now on, there's no way more people could have access to my secret agendas on blogs or elsewhere. I'm even thinking of creating a new blog account for college. Well, that depends if the swell of emotions I feel now would subside before I make the decision.
Friends.
Crush.
Myself.
Err..
Ok. So this stupid crushing syndrome I'm into - I wish this would end right at this very moment. I'm soooo sick of it. I'd like to leave this behind within the premises of our dear high school alma mater and I would like to officially end this emotion... if only it'd be that easy. Hearts are rather more difficult to tame than minds. [sigh]
Trivial stuffs indeed. I wish there were more serious thoughts or challenges to deal with. I'm super bored.Anyway, I just have to be thankful that my problems are SOOo minute compared to that of others. Hmp. Well.
Right now, I have made up my mind on the things I want to focus on:
My pre-graduation endeavors such as:
_writing graduation letters.
_buying a dress for the grad ball.
_have my grad pix recopied.
_visit a sick classmate of mine.
_others related.
My post graduation endeavors which:
*outings
*swimmings
*get-togethers
*sheer enjoyment of the bliss of being freed from quesci.
Summer Hype activities:
+UP Medical/subject pre-enlistment/enrollment
+'training' on accounting basics
+summer job if available
+church activities e.g. summer blast and re/starting new ministries e.g. youth choir
And others which include keeping this blog.
That's it for now.
Bye.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 10, 2008
Quick impulse
!!!
I got it! I now realize why I'm in this trough of loneliness for a matter of time now.
i've got the answer from Joyce's Multiply account! It's her banner statement.
It says: Expecting is one way of hurting yourself.
I'm just gonna modify it: Too much expectation is an unconscious form of self-punishment.. hmmm.. I think I overdid it. Let me try again... Too much expectation is one way of hurting yourself. That'd do I guess.
And for now, I think, you can read between the lines.
Til next time.
Au revoir.
I got it! I now realize why I'm in this trough of loneliness for a matter of time now.
i've got the answer from Joyce's Multiply account! It's her banner statement.
It says: Expecting is one way of hurting yourself.
I'm just gonna modify it: Too much expectation is an unconscious form of self-punishment.. hmmm.. I think I overdid it. Let me try again... Too much expectation is one way of hurting yourself. That'd do I guess.
And for now, I think, you can read between the lines.
Til next time.
Au revoir.
My heart says: "Let it go.."
Hopeless romantic. That's how one tickle test result described me. Romantic. Yes. Hopeless. Indeed. Am one of the many unattractive girls who dream of a fairytale love story but eventually find themselves wallowing in self-pity after realizing that fairy tales don't really happen and Prince Charming doesn't really exist.
Oh, what a t-r-a-g-e-d-y.
I knew it. This is how the story would go. Nothing exciting would really happen when it comes to my "love" story. Maybe I'm not such an interesting person after all.
But what do I really expect to happen? Fish some Mr. Right out there? Wait to bump on his back on a very unlikely place like the MRT for example? Sheer desperation?..
Nah.
This is the main reason why I hate being a teenager. I object being governed by my emotions. But what do I do? How do I get rid of the only thing I have - feelings for that matter?
In my Multiply blog, it was not just once that i've mentioned my detest for "emotional hardcore/emo's". They're pointless for me. But what am I doing now? Isn't it a sign of me nearing -emoness-??
Oh wait. I have to hold on to my seat before I fall off completely. Where are my principles? I miss them. They've abandoned my loneliness and wandered off somewhere. Oh gosh, I'm totally washed off my being.
Oh emoness+emotions.. LEAVE ME ALONE!
I don't want to be like this. I'm in a somewhat state of drug addiction. I desperately need some rehabilitation. Where am I going to find myself again. I'm infested with this stupid crushing syndrome... the heck!
No.. no.. you don't understand.. don't think that i'm ever overreacting, you've been a teenager also once in your life or maybe you are at this point in time. You might as well understand what I feel.
You know why I feel this way? Because we're roughly two weeks away from graduation. And the hardest of it all is the farewell/parting. I'm not duely bothered of saying goodbye to my close friends, I'll be seeing most of them in the university. Sure for some, I'll be having their contact info and still be in touch with them for some way or another... but him? What about him? Maybe our last meeting would be our graduation since my mom has been thinking twice recently about not letting me attend the gradball.
Oh such a bitter day that'd be!
I wish it'd never come.
Or I wish I'd never feel it come.
That's it for now.
P.S. By the way, our JS prom has been held at the manila hotel just last week.. I'll update with the other details some other time.
But you see it was an uneventful night.
__take care___ ^-^
Oh, what a t-r-a-g-e-d-y.
I knew it. This is how the story would go. Nothing exciting would really happen when it comes to my "love" story. Maybe I'm not such an interesting person after all.
But what do I really expect to happen? Fish some Mr. Right out there? Wait to bump on his back on a very unlikely place like the MRT for example? Sheer desperation?..
Nah.
This is the main reason why I hate being a teenager. I object being governed by my emotions. But what do I do? How do I get rid of the only thing I have - feelings for that matter?
In my Multiply blog, it was not just once that i've mentioned my detest for "emotional hardcore/emo's". They're pointless for me. But what am I doing now? Isn't it a sign of me nearing -emoness-??
Oh wait. I have to hold on to my seat before I fall off completely. Where are my principles? I miss them. They've abandoned my loneliness and wandered off somewhere. Oh gosh, I'm totally washed off my being.
Oh emoness+emotions.. LEAVE ME ALONE!
I don't want to be like this. I'm in a somewhat state of drug addiction. I desperately need some rehabilitation. Where am I going to find myself again. I'm infested with this stupid crushing syndrome... the heck!
No.. no.. you don't understand.. don't think that i'm ever overreacting, you've been a teenager also once in your life or maybe you are at this point in time. You might as well understand what I feel.
You know why I feel this way? Because we're roughly two weeks away from graduation. And the hardest of it all is the farewell/parting. I'm not duely bothered of saying goodbye to my close friends, I'll be seeing most of them in the university. Sure for some, I'll be having their contact info and still be in touch with them for some way or another... but him? What about him? Maybe our last meeting would be our graduation since my mom has been thinking twice recently about not letting me attend the gradball.
Oh such a bitter day that'd be!
I wish it'd never come.
Or I wish I'd never feel it come.
That's it for now.
P.S. By the way, our JS prom has been held at the manila hotel just last week.. I'll update with the other details some other time.
But you see it was an uneventful night.
__take care___ ^-^
Friday, March 7, 2008
Teen blues. *o*
Beat.
My heart.
For tomorrow..
there's no certainty..
whether you'll still beat
or you'll weep.
--watta CRAP.--
.^.^.^.^.^.^*
I want to do something worth my time.
Not like this - getting mad over someone who doesn't even care about my existence.
-why am i so emooo!-
-i hate being like this.
-i hate being NONSENSICAL.
-i hate feeling for my heart.
***zipp..zapp..***
i wish i were in a time warp zone, i wanna correct my past IF NOT-- zoom to the future.
i wish i could be a computer game character.
powered by the mind and will of my creator.
'coz
am so stupid left to myself.
***zipp..zapp..***
i wish i could be more useful.
i wish am not a teen anymore -- subject to frequent mood swings and weird bouts of "depression".
what's up with me?!
***zipp..zapp..***
why is it that.. when you're a teenager...
you love to sleep.. just sleep. [when computers and internet are most unavailable]
you love to dream and lure yourself into feeling that you're the 'best' person in the world --
and then suddenly you'll switch into thinking that you're the most pathetic being in the universe worthy of nothing but death.
you think about your crush all the time and expect to get "something" out of it when in fact it's pitifully a waste of time.
and why in spite of that,, you still do.. even if it takes you hours of idleness.
***zipp..zapp..***
my mind is a chain of random thoughts.
and each link is made of stainless stealth.
---pretty much senseless---
just ignore this entry.
My heart.
For tomorrow..
there's no certainty..
whether you'll still beat
or you'll weep.
--watta CRAP.--
.^.^.^.^.^.^*
I want to do something worth my time.
Not like this - getting mad over someone who doesn't even care about my existence.
-why am i so emooo!-
-i hate being like this.
-i hate being NONSENSICAL.
-i hate feeling for my heart.
***zipp..zapp..***
i wish i were in a time warp zone, i wanna correct my past IF NOT-- zoom to the future.
i wish i could be a computer game character.
powered by the mind and will of my creator.
'coz
am so stupid left to myself.
***zipp..zapp..***
i wish i could be more useful.
i wish am not a teen anymore -- subject to frequent mood swings and weird bouts of "depression".
what's up with me?!
***zipp..zapp..***
why is it that.. when you're a teenager...
you love to sleep.. just sleep. [when computers and internet are most unavailable]
you love to dream and lure yourself into feeling that you're the 'best' person in the world --
and then suddenly you'll switch into thinking that you're the most pathetic being in the universe worthy of nothing but death.
you think about your crush all the time and expect to get "something" out of it when in fact it's pitifully a waste of time.
and why in spite of that,, you still do.. even if it takes you hours of idleness.
***zipp..zapp..***
my mind is a chain of random thoughts.
and each link is made of stainless stealth.
---pretty much senseless---
just ignore this entry.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
odd areas: no villain
Hi!
I just wanna share a composition to you - probably one of the best I've so far made.
I just wanna share a composition to you - probably one of the best I've so far made.
Reading this will give you an idea of the background of my own story 'cause it's based on that actually. This was a requirement during our third yr. English class and one of the few compositions in English I've kept with me.
here it goes:
I was already in my third year in High school when my own unexpected love story took place. I remember the exact scene - that vivid moment when my eyes caught hold of his comely countenance as he sat with his elbows on his knees, in a somewhat bent position, on one of the student's desks outside their classroom. He faced one of his classmates, smiling while talking. His appearance at that very moment hit me with such an impact that I felt like I was struck by lightning abruptly followed by thunder. In a twinkling of an eye, I've felt my surroundings were being transformed into Nirvana.
It was like love at first sight although it had not been the first time I saw him. In fact he is a former classmate of mine way back in first year. We used to belong in the same section but then we parted after a year. I had to move to a higher section while he remained "loyal" to that section.
Not even in second year did I notice that he could be so charming. I see him occasionally although we do not greet each other if it happens that we pass by each other at any place in the campus.
So there we are - two ordinary youths suddenly connected in a snap by this feeling of mine. This feeling (though a one-way sort) slowly crept into my innermost being, gushed into my senses and overwhelmed me.
I can't just get that sparkling moment out of my mind now. It is so clear. I remember it was before a class presentation. He looked so dashing in his simple white long sleeves and black pants. Oh, what a sight he was!
Nevertheless, he looks just as dashing tonight - though a little bit more striking. He is not wearing those white long sleeves anymore. Instead, he is wearing a black coat and tie. Facing him, is no other than me! We are dancing to the rhythm of a sweet tune. It's our prom night.
As I stare deep into his coal black eyes, I can't help but ask myself, "Is this all just a dream?"
His eyes look sincere and serious. In the midst of this romantic silence between us, my lips quivered to utter softly this question that continually plays in my mind now for a long time: "Is this all just a dream?"
"No, this is all but a dream," he answered. To this reply, my heart beat faster. Then, another question suddenly popped into my head. A question i've long been forcing myself to keep from asking him.
"Josh, why me?" I blurted out.
"What do you mean?" he answered, with a look of confusion on his face.
"Why me - of all the girls in the campus? Why did you ask me out when you can take your pick among a wide range of beauties and populars? Why me - " I wasn't able to continue what I was saying because he cut it short with his reply.
"Because I like you," he said. "You just don't know that I greatly admire you," he continued. "I just didn't have the guts to tell you all these earlier because I know your character. You're not the type of person who is open with these sort of ideas and so was I then," he confessed.
"Kring, kringg..." rang the school bell. I suddenly felt a hand shaking my shoulder.
"Hey Christine!" the voice said. "Wake up from your day dream," it said. It was my best friend Kyra's voice. "We're going to be late for our next class!" she uttered with panic in her voice. "Pass your story to Ms. Cruz now. Hurry!" she continued.
"Wait!" I cried. "I'm just going to add the title," I said. My pen then quickly scribbled the words: "The Best Love Story Never Told"
I guess it would just remain a dream after all. [sighs]
Sure, my name is not Christine and his name is obviously not Josh. But that's it. You've just had the background of my personal love story.
Wanna have a clue on our real identities? Well, scroll up and look at the title of this post. If you're smart enough to rearrange the letters(without the colon of course), then you'll decipher our names hidden in the code.
Go ahead. Try it! ^_^
God bless!
here it goes:
The Best Love Story Never Told
I was already in my third year in High school when my own unexpected love story took place. I remember the exact scene - that vivid moment when my eyes caught hold of his comely countenance as he sat with his elbows on his knees, in a somewhat bent position, on one of the student's desks outside their classroom. He faced one of his classmates, smiling while talking. His appearance at that very moment hit me with such an impact that I felt like I was struck by lightning abruptly followed by thunder. In a twinkling of an eye, I've felt my surroundings were being transformed into Nirvana.
It was like love at first sight although it had not been the first time I saw him. In fact he is a former classmate of mine way back in first year. We used to belong in the same section but then we parted after a year. I had to move to a higher section while he remained "loyal" to that section.
Not even in second year did I notice that he could be so charming. I see him occasionally although we do not greet each other if it happens that we pass by each other at any place in the campus.
So there we are - two ordinary youths suddenly connected in a snap by this feeling of mine. This feeling (though a one-way sort) slowly crept into my innermost being, gushed into my senses and overwhelmed me.
I can't just get that sparkling moment out of my mind now. It is so clear. I remember it was before a class presentation. He looked so dashing in his simple white long sleeves and black pants. Oh, what a sight he was!
Nevertheless, he looks just as dashing tonight - though a little bit more striking. He is not wearing those white long sleeves anymore. Instead, he is wearing a black coat and tie. Facing him, is no other than me! We are dancing to the rhythm of a sweet tune. It's our prom night.
As I stare deep into his coal black eyes, I can't help but ask myself, "Is this all just a dream?"
His eyes look sincere and serious. In the midst of this romantic silence between us, my lips quivered to utter softly this question that continually plays in my mind now for a long time: "Is this all just a dream?"
"No, this is all but a dream," he answered. To this reply, my heart beat faster. Then, another question suddenly popped into my head. A question i've long been forcing myself to keep from asking him.
"Josh, why me?" I blurted out.
"What do you mean?" he answered, with a look of confusion on his face.
"Why me - of all the girls in the campus? Why did you ask me out when you can take your pick among a wide range of beauties and populars? Why me - " I wasn't able to continue what I was saying because he cut it short with his reply.
"Because I like you," he said. "You just don't know that I greatly admire you," he continued. "I just didn't have the guts to tell you all these earlier because I know your character. You're not the type of person who is open with these sort of ideas and so was I then," he confessed.
"Kring, kringg..." rang the school bell. I suddenly felt a hand shaking my shoulder.
"Hey Christine!" the voice said. "Wake up from your day dream," it said. It was my best friend Kyra's voice. "We're going to be late for our next class!" she uttered with panic in her voice. "Pass your story to Ms. Cruz now. Hurry!" she continued.
"Wait!" I cried. "I'm just going to add the title," I said. My pen then quickly scribbled the words: "The Best Love Story Never Told"
I guess it would just remain a dream after all. [sighs]
Sure, my name is not Christine and his name is obviously not Josh. But that's it. You've just had the background of my personal love story.
Wanna have a clue on our real identities? Well, scroll up and look at the title of this post. If you're smart enough to rearrange the letters(without the colon of course), then you'll decipher our names hidden in the code.
Go ahead. Try it! ^_^
God bless!
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